Recognising How Past Trauma Can Show Up at Work

Breakups can be deeply unsettling on their own, but if you’ve experienced gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional abuse, the emotional fallout can feel even bigger than expected. Old wounds can resurface in unexpected ways, especially in places where you need to stay composed—like work.

You may find yourself overreacting to feedback, struggling with trust, or feeling on edge in meetings. You might notice yourself shutting down when overwhelmed or second-guessing every decision. These are all common responses when the brain is still wired for self-protection after long-term stress.

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you—it’s actually a sign that your mind and body are responding in a way that once helped keep you safe. Recognising these patterns is a huge step toward regaining control, both in your career and your emotional recovery.

How Trauma Can Show Up in Workplaces

After prolonged stress or unhealthy relationship dynamics, the brain can stay in “high alert” mode, even in environments where there’s no real danger. This can show up in ways that make work feel harder than it used to.

Common Signs of Trauma Responses at Work:

Difficulty trusting colleagues or managers – Feeling like people might have hidden motives or questioning whether feedback is genuine.
Overreacting to criticism or feedback – Feeling personally attacked, even by neutral comments.
Shutting down under stress – Struggling to make decisions, freezing in high-pressure moments, or avoiding communication.
Hypervigilance – Constantly reading between the lines, watching people’s tone and body language for signs of disapproval.
Fear of making mistakes – Overanalysing emails, double-checking work excessively, or delaying decisions out of fear of “getting it wrong.”
Emotional exhaustion – Feeling mentally drained even when work isn’t particularly demanding.
Over-spilling - talking about your breakup excessively, to a degree you later regret.

These patterns don’t mean you’re bad at your job or incapable of handling work—they’re just signs that your brain is still wired to anticipate past dynamics, even in new environments.

Noticing Hypervigilance at Work

Hypervigilance is when your mind is constantly scanning for potential threats, even when none exist. At work, this can look like:

Overanalysing an email from your boss – Worrying that a short or direct response means they’re upset with you.
Feeling unsettled in meetings – Watching facial expressions closely, looking for any hint of disapproval.
Taking on extra work to avoid criticism – Saying yes to everything to prevent conflict, even when you’re overloaded.
Struggling with social dynamics – Finding it hard to relax around colleagues, fearing they might judge or exclude you.

When you’ve been in a relationship where approval, attention, or kindness were unpredictable, the brain adapts by trying to predict and control outcomes. Work environments—with their hierarchies, performance reviews, and office politics—can exaggerate this response, making everything feel more personal than it actually is.

How to Manage Hypervigilance:

Pause before reacting – If something triggers you, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that not every action or word has hidden meaning.
Reality-check your assumptions – If your boss seems distant, ask yourself: Have they actually said anything negative, or am I assuming based on their tone?
Limit over-explaining – If you feel the urge to justify yourself in emails or meetings, try simplifying your response and sending it as-is.

Regaining a Sense of Authority in Your Work

When a relationship has made you feel powerless, it’s common to bring that same hesitancy or fear into decision-making at work. You might feel like you’re waiting for permission to speak up, downplaying your ideas, or worrying about whether you’re “allowed” to set boundaries with your workload.

If this sounds familiar, start by reframing your role:

You belong in your role – Your skills and contributions matter, and you were hired for a reason.
You don’t need permission to take up space – You can contribute to meetings, make decisions, and share your thoughts without overthinking.
You’re allowed to set boundaries – Saying no to excessive demands or unreasonable deadlines isn’t unprofessional—it’s necessary.

One small step at a time, you can start reclaiming your confidence at work, separating past fears from your current reality.

Am I Operating in a Fear-Based Work Mindset?

If you’re unsure whether past experiences are affecting your professional life, ask yourself:

Do I often assume the worst when receiving feedback?
Do I hesitate to ask questions or seek help for fear of looking incompetent?
Do I overthink social interactions, wondering if people are annoyed with me?
Do I take responsibility for things that aren’t actually my fault?
Do I feel anxious before meetings or workplace conversations, even when I’ve done nothing wrong?

If you find yourself answering yes to many of these, your work stress may be linked to past emotional experiences, rather than just the job itself. Recognising this is an opportunity to reshape how you see yourself in professional spaces.

Managing Fight/Flight/Freeze Reactions in Professional Settings

When past trauma is triggered at work, the brain can shift into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Here’s how these reactions might appear in a professional setting:

Fight Mode – Becoming defensive, snapping in emails, feeling like you have to prove yourself aggressively.
Flight Mode – Withdrawing from communication, avoiding meetings, making yourself as invisible as possible.
Freeze Mode – Feeling paralyzed, struggling to respond in high-pressure moments, zoning out in meetings.

These reactions aren’t choices—they’re deeply wired responses designed to protect you. But since your workplace isn’t actually a dangerous place, learning to interrupt these responses can help you regain a sense of control.

How to Reset in the Moment:

Ground yourself physically – If you’re overwhelmed, plant both feet on the floor, press your hands against a surface, and take slow breaths (see links below for more ideas)
Pause before responding – If an email triggers you, step away for five minutes before drafting a reply.
Self-soothe quietly – Keep a small object (pen, ring, textured item) to hold when you feel stress rising.
Use neutral self-talk – Instead of “I messed up,” try “This is a learning experience. I can handle it.”

Final Thoughts: Recognising Trauma Responses Without Panic

If you’ve noticed any of these patterns in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your brain is trying to keep you safe, even when it doesn’t need to. Work stress can magnify emotional responses, but once you start recognising them, you can learn to navigate them with more self-awareness and confidence.

Where to Start:

Notice your triggers – What work situations cause the strongest reactions?
Challenge assumptions – Are you responding to facts, or past fears?
Practice self-regulation – Small resets can help you regain control in the moment.
Reclaim your authority – You don’t have to be perfect, but you do belong in your role.

If these experiences feel overwhelming, working through them in a structured way—through journaling, therapy, or guided support—can help rewire old responses and build new confidence.

Your past may shape you, but it doesn’t have to control your future. Work can be a place of growth, stability, and success, even after trauma.